its g0ing t0 be 0k
by homestuckAssemble
Summary: You didn't mean for any of it to happen, but now it's too late. You're leaving soon and you know you have to say something to him. [Sadstuck(?) Aradia x Sollux This is just a short drabble for my followers since I'm currently not able to update Clashing Blood Colors. Enjoy!]


Your name is **Aradia Megido** and you can't bring yourself to even look at him. The sorrow in his multicolored eyes tears you to pieces each time you look into them. You blame yourself for that night, the night you died. Had you done what everyone had told you then you wouldn't be dead and he wouldn't be sad. You've never stopped feeling bad about it. Not since you found out what had happened.

You remember that night like it was just a few hours ago. Pain tears through you as you travel into the memory. Your hive was left in ruin, crumbled to the ground. You look to your right and the sight makes your heart ache. There he is. Still hovering above the ground. Everything was still smoking from the blast. He drops to the ground, obviously weak from the amount of energy sucked out of his small body. It only takes him a few seconds before his eyes find your dead body. You'd never gotten the chance to see his reaction, and now you wish you hadn't seen it. The horror on his face...the despair in those empty eyes. Eyes only you could read. Eyes you'd learned to love. He clutched your dead body in his arms as he cried, occasionally screaming out your name. The sight is almost too much for you. You cover your own eyes and look away, silent tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Aradia?"

You gasp and look up, a computer screen in front of you with red and yellow words on it. That's right. You were talking to him before you spaced out. You can feel him staring at you from the computer to your right. Your body feels...heavier. Oh yeah, you're a robot. You always seemed to forget that. You decide to focus on the screen instead, looking over your conversation with him.

- apocolypsArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] at [?] -

AA: hell0  
TA: hey  
AA: h0w are you?  
TA: ok ii gue22  
AA: thats g00d  
TA: how are you?  
AA: im 0k  
TA: 2o..  
TA: diid you need 2omethiing?  
AA: n0  
AA: just saying hell0  
AA: is that 0kay  
TA: yeah 2ure  
TA: how've you been?  
TA: we havent talked much 2iince arriiviing on thii2 2hiit hole  
AA: i kn0w  
TA: diid you ju2t open the chat for no rea2on?  
AA: n0t really  
TA: well then what do you want?  
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
TA: well ii2nt that helpful  
TA: we have been on thii2 2hiity meteor for god know2 how long and havent 2aiid anythiing two each other for the entiire tiime and then you ju2t randomly 2ay hii wiith nothiing el2e two 2ay?  
AA: as sad as it is t0 c0nfess  
AA: i think that is what happened  
TA: well no 2hiit! god ever 2iince that niight youve ju2t been weiird a2 fuck and iintroverted. you diidnt even 2ay anythiing after what happened!  
AA: 0_0  
TA: and then all you re2pond wiith ii2 that 2tuiipd face you alway2 u2e  
TA: do you have any feeliing2 iin that 2tupiid tiin can?!  
TA: aradiia?  
TA: 2hiit iim 2orry  
TA: aradiia are you okay?  
TA: are you cryiing?

The messages stop there. That must have been when he called your name. You hadn't even realized what he'd said. Your thoughts had probably just wandered while he was typing. You start to feel bad again as you read back over his messages. He was right, you really hadn't properly talked since then. Mostly because you'd been to scared to say anything to him. You position your metal fingers over the key board, ready to start typing again.

AA: s0rry  
AA: i spaced 0ut  
AA: like gamzee d0es s0metimes  
TA: but you were cryiing  
TA: waiit how diid you even do that?  
TA: how can you cry?  
AA: equius wanted t0 make the b0dy as n0rmal as p0ssible  
AA: he put built in tear ducts  
AA: they w0nt last f0rever but they are there  
TA: oh  
TA: why were you cryiing?  
AA: it d0esnt matter  
TA: of cour2e iit matter2  
AA: why?  
TA: ii dont know...  
AA: it w0nt matter s00n  
TA: what do you mean?  
AA: i sh0uld say s0mething  
AA: bef0re i g0  
AA: but this is hard f0r me  
TA: how ii2 iit hard?  
TA: you 2houldnt even have feeliing2  
AA: but i d0  
AA: i always have  
AA: but n0 0ne knew  
TA: where are you goiing?  
AA: im n0t sure  
AA: but y0u pr0bably w0nt see me again  
AA: at least n0t like this  
TA: what2 that 2uppo2ed two mean?  
AA: i think y0ull be 0k with it th0ugh

You pause after that. You don't know what else to say to him. You hear him typing and wait for whatever he has to say. Will it be good or bad? You can't tell for sure. God you're so scared of what he'll say. You shouldn't feel this way. He was once so special to you and you loved talking to him. Now you just want to crawl in a hole and sit there. But that won't matter soon.

TA: ii dont know what youre planniing but  
TA: iim 2orry  
TA: for what happened two you  
TA: ii wii2h ii could take iit back  
TA: and iit kiill2 me that ii cant  
AA: its 0k  
AA: it really is  
AA: im 0kay with it  
AA: it wasnt y0ur fault  
AA: it was my fault  
AA: and im s0rry for all 0f the bad luck y0uve had  
AA: but its g0ing t0 be 0kay n0w  
AA: all bad things c0me t0 an end  
TA: what do you mean aradiia?  
AA: g00dbye s0llux

- apocolypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] -

You feel tears running over your cold cheeks again and smile. You feel as though you can face anything now. Especially him. You force yourself to stand from in front of your computer. You take a step back and turn towards him, his red and blue eyes staring at you with confusion. You step towards him and he stands slowly, matching your height perfectly. You remember being shorter than him once upon a time. Only by a bit. Before you can stop yourself you wrap your robotic arms around him, making sure not to hug too hard or you'd literally crush him.

"Aradia what are you-"

You hush him quietly, keeping him locked in the hug. For a moment you have a boost of courage and you whisper something into his ear that makes him freeze and hug you back. The joy at the little gesture made you extremely happy for some reason. You can feel the circuits in your body tingle with unused electricity. You found yourself regretting your decision but quickly pushed those thoughts away before they could stop you. It was too late to stop now. You hear a little voice in your head. It sounds like a lady. "Self Destruct Sequence has started. Detonation in five seconds."

You release him and step back, enough so he won't be injured by the explosion. For a split second you feel a sudden burst of pain but then everything went dark and cold. A feeling you'd felt before. Only now you don't think you'll get out of it this time. Not until it's time you mean.

~

Your name is **Sollux Captor** and you swear your ex-matesprit just exploded in front of you. You don't know how to feel other than empty. This was the second time she'd died next to you. The second time you were left confused and alone. And this time was no different from the last as yellow tears began to fall from your tear ducts. Everyone around you was in a panic, with Karkat yelling nonsense like he always did. You feel a tap on your shoulder and turn to see the sweaty asshole you know as **Equius Zahhak**.

"Excuse me Sollux, but why did she just explode?"

You can't help but get angry over this. He only cares because he has red feelings for her and you know that. And as if you really know!

"I don't know. She just did okay!"

"Did she say anything?"

"Nothing you need to know!"

You turn away and look back at your computer, your cheeks still stained yellow from the tears that had yet to dry. Her words ring out like a curse in your head. The last thing you truly had from her were these words. You sigh deeply and open a chat with her, even though you know she won't see it. You type her last words into the chat box.

- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling apocolypseArisen [AA] at [?] -

TA: ii alway2 loved you  
TA: thank you for everythiing


End file.
